REAL TALK WITH DANIELLE - My First Beer Since My Sober Year

In October, I posted that I’d been sober for a year. I also posted that I wasn’t sure how much that decision was serving me at that point. I was glad I tried it, and I really needed to stop at the time because I wanted to see what life would be like without hangovers, stomachaches, tiredness, and all the fun side effects of drinking. But the desire for these things turned into a rule for myself over time that lost its original intention. At some point, I wasn’t drinking because... well, I wasn’t really sure why anymore.

When I first heard of Hobbiton, I was told “They give you a free beer at the end!” I researched the tour of The Lord of the Rings movie set in New Zealand, and they do, in fact, give you a free beer at the end when you finish the walk at The Green Dragon. This thought stuck in the back of my mind as the place I was going to start drinking again. I kind of mentally prepared myself for this. At this point, I have a much better grasp on what I do and don’t like about drinking, which gives me a lot more self-awareness when I choose to drink.

I don’t ever see myself as someone who drinks very regularly, but I do like to have it every once in a while. I miss the taste of alcoholic drinks, especially wine. I also miss how it enhances the taste of a meal or cheese plate. I hate drinking if I’m sitting down for too long or haven’t eaten anything because it makes me feel tired and bloated. I don’t want more than one because I like feeling less anxious, but I don’t like feeling out of control or more depressed. I never want to drink alone - social drinking only. I also like drinking for the experiential aspect of it...

If I’m in The Green Dragon in Hobbiton, it is likely a once in a lifetime experience, and I don’t want to stop myself from getting a beer because of year old reasoning that doesn’t apply to me anymore. The point was to think about why I drink for the last year. I’ve thought about it. I have gained a lot of understanding of my likes and dislikes in relation to it. I was ready to start again. So I started off with an apple cider in Hobbiton! And honestly, it was a relief to trust myself and start a phase in which I have a lot more self-awareness about my relationship to alcohol. I want to be able to drink wines in Italy when I get there and not feel weird about it.

Alcohol is on a spectrum just like any other substance. You can be heavily addicted to it (which doesn’t make you a bad person) or you can be completely sober from it (which is also totally valid). You can also be someone who has really good control over it, and it’s never been a problem. Or you might be someone who is a little in over your head. At this point, I see alcohol as similar to a good steak. Fuck yes, it tastes so good, but it’s expensive, and I feel heavy and tired afterwards. In essence, I’m going in with an understanding of the full picture, rather than drinking spontaneously or impulsively or because “everyone else is doing it”.

I’m not saying what I did is the right choice for everyone. Every single person has a different relationship to alcohol (or any drug) based on their history with it. I would definitely suggest exploring that relationship to anyone who may be having some inner conflict about it. But otherwise, I think that there’s no “right” answer. (BUT ELEANOR IS THE ANSWER) (if you know, you know)... (but if you don’t know, look it up, and then watch all 4 seasons of The Good Place). It’s all about the journey, and respecting yourself and everyone else as we traverse all this weird, uncharted territory together. Happy Holidays from Hobbiton!

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