REAL TALK WITH DANIELLE - Letting Go of Control

“What do you do?”

Such a simple question, but for me, this could launch a thousand conversations...

My whole life, I have found that I have many identities. I like toggling between all of the “hats” I wear, and I’ve never been a person who focuses on one thing at a time.

This, I can understand, is not most people’s problem at 26 years old.

Most people I meet tell me that they wish they could find something that they are passionate about.

I’m passionate about a lot of things.

I get that this is a weird problem to have...

...and maybe not so much a problem as it is an opportunity?

Let me give you an example of some of the dilemmas I face when I think about what I’m going to “do”:

1.     I could do therapy part-time, but how many days per week? My hours will really depend upon when there is office space available.

2.     I could teach voice, but should I work for myself or work for a studio? Or do I want to work part-time for myself and part-time for a studio?

3.     I want to spend at least one day per week working on more creative endeavors, but when will these things happen? Gigs come and go. I write the blog at least weekly. I haven’t worked on my play or my novel in ages... and where’s the next place I’m traveling to?

This is my brain all day, every day. In a way, I feel how most college seniors feel before graduating. I have no idea what’s next. But in a way, I’m lucky, because I know what my options are. I also feel confident in my abilities in these areas and I know how to work hard.

A major change I want to make is letting go of control. For a long time, I’ve white-knuckled life.

“I’m going to college for theatre.”

“I’m going to grad school for mental health.”

“I will get my license 2 years after grad school.”

I am able to do the things I enjoy because I put so much effort in early on, so I want to honor that. But I also want to change the white-knuckling. It’s just too much stress to keep going like this and always expecting an outcome. I want to focus a lot more on process. To do this, I need to let go and accept that...

1.     I will do some sort of therapy because I am a therapist

2.     I will teach voice because I am a voice teacher

3.     I will always write because I am a writer

4.     I will continue to play music because I am a musician

5.     I will travel because I love travel

This might seem really simple to some people, but having anxiety makes it very hard to accept these things. I’ll give you an example of how anxiety can cause my brain to spiral from just one of the above:

Writing: Sure, I’m always going to write, but what am I going to write? I still need to put together the video from the concert version of Special. I also need to do edits to that script. I’ve completely lost momentum with that show. I never can just stay focused on a project. And not just a writing project, my whole life has like 6 different focuses at once. Focus, focus... What do I actually want to be writing? Well, I keep writing the blog, so I guess that. But I also keep putting down the novel I’m writing and letting it go for too long. I keep writing songs and doing nothing with them. My last EP release was in 2014. Why haven’t I even gotten a single out since then? I wish I were a better musician...

^and then the whole thing starts again, but this time I beat myself up for not doing enough as a musician. It’s anxiety-provoking/depressing just to read, right? Because intellectually, I know how much I’ve put in the work for all of the things I’m passionate about. But the anxiety causes me to just ignore that completely and always tells me that I’m not doing enough, or worse, I’m not enough.

So my goal is to start trusting the process, and trust that by doing the work, I’m doing enough. I will likely never be a person who focuses on one of these things at a time because it’s just not in my bloodstream. My first EP was called “Constant State of Change” and that has been one of the major themes of my life. But that is okay because that is being true to who I am as an artist and as a person.

Success for me is going to stop being about outcomes. It doesn’t matter what the readership on the blog is. It doesn’t matter if I’m not making 6 figures. It doesn’t matter if I can’t see clients at first because I haven’t gotten onto their insurance panel yet. It doesn’t matter if my creative projects take a long time to finish.

Defining success is going to be about the work. Every day I want to ask myself:

Am I working on something I love?

Today’s Answer: Yes. I love writing this blog every week, and I love sharing my thoughts on mental health, travel, and the arts.

And this is all that matters! I’ve spent a long time earning credentials, so that I can do the things I love. This is an opportunity, not a problem. And the only way to reframe that in my mind is to remind myself every day by asking the question:

Am I working on something I love?

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“Too many things I haven’t done yet'

Too many sunsets I haven’t seen

Can’t waste the day wishing it’d slow down

Would’ve thought by now

I’d have learned something.” - Sara Bareilles